How to Announce a Death: Who to Tell First and What to Say

Someone has died, maybe an hour ago, and the phone is in your hand. Before anything else can happen, people have to be told, and you are the one holding the list.

You do not have to tell everyone today, and you do not have to do it alone. This is how to announce a death in the order that hurts least, with the words for each step ready to copy and change:

1. Tell the closest family and friends, by phone or in person.
2. Ask two helpers to call the wider family and friends.
3. Text anyone you could not reach, then the family group chat.
4. Call or email work, school and clubs.
5. Post on social media once everyone close knows.
6. Send the funeral details, and place a death notice if you want one.

How to Announce a Death in the Family: Who to Tell First

First, tell the people who would be hurt to hear it second-hand, by phone or in person: a spouse or partner, children, parents, brothers and sisters, the closest friends. Then the wider family and friends, then work, then everyone else. The order matters because news moves fast: one message in a group chat, and the cousin you meant to call tonight reads it on a train.

Each call is best made by whoever is closest to the person receiving it: a daughter calls her own aunt, a best friend calls the old crowd from college. If you lost the most, make the calls only you can make and hand the rest over. If there are young children in the family, tell them in person before they can overhear a call; telling a child someone has died has the words, age by age.

Split the list with two helpers. Put every name on one sheet, give each helper the names they know best, and give both the same few sentences, so everyone hears the same story. Every example on this page, and every person in it, is invented; change the details to fit your family. A helper needs something like this:

Joanna, thank you for doing this. Dad has called Mom's brothers. Could you call the cousins in Tucson and her friends from the bridge club? Please tell them Mom died this morning in the hospital, peacefully, with Dad and me beside her. If they ask how, it was her heart; that's all we're saying for now. I'll send you the funeral date the minute we have it. Please ask them not to post anything online yet. Thank you. Nadia

If the death may be in the news, after an accident or in a small town, make the first-circle calls within the hour.

What to Say on the Phone: Five Short Scripts

Say who you are, warn them that you have bad news, then say the person's name and the word "died" within the first few sentences. A guide for emergency doctors from the Emergency Medicine Residents' Association advises saying "died", not a softer word such as "passed", and then leaving a silence longer than feels comfortable, because people remember little of what is said after the news, and that one fact has to land. Guidance for health workers from the Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress adds: on a call, check that they are somewhere quiet, ask whether someone is with them and whether they are sitting down; keep to no more than three brief points, and be ready to repeat them.

The first call, to a brother, a sister or the closest friend.

Josh, it's Tara. Are you somewhere you can talk? [Wait.] I have very bad news. Dad died this morning. [Pause, and let him speak.] He collapsed in the kitchen at about six. Mom was with him, and the paramedics couldn't bring him back. I know. It doesn't feel real to me either. Can you come to Mom's tonight? I'll call you again at eight, either way.

To an elderly parent. Go in person if you can. If not, first call a neighbor or caregiver who can be in the room, then speak slowly and be ready to say it twice.

Mom, it's Ahmed. Is Leyla there with you? Good. Mom, are you sitting down? I have very sad news about Hamza. [Pause.] He died last night. It was his heart, and it was very quick. [If she asks you to say it again:] Yes, Mom. Hamza died. I'm so sorry. I'm taking the first train in the morning, and Leyla will stay with you tonight.

If your parent lives with dementia, Alzheimer's Society suggests talking to their doctor or nurse first: someone who keeps forgetting can feel the shock again each time they are told.

To someone far away and alone. Find out where they are first. If they are driving, ask them to call back once they have stopped.

Sofia, it's Enzo. Are you at home? You're not driving? [Wait.] Is anyone with you? [Wait.] I'm sorry this has to be on the phone. Grandma died this afternoon. [Pause.] She was asleep, and Aunt Rita was holding her hand. Is there someone who could come over tonight? Would you like me to call them for you? I'll call again at nine, your time.

To an ex-spouse or an estranged relative. They still deserve to hear it from the family rather than from a post. Say why you are calling first, and ask for nothing. If you share children, say what the children know.

Casey, it's Megan. I know we haven't spoken in a long time, and I'm not calling about any of that. Dad died yesterday, and I didn't want you to hear it from anyone else. [Pause.] It was a stroke. The kids know, and they're with me tonight. The funeral is on Saturday at eleven, at Holy Trinity. You would be welcome, and you don't have to decide now. I'll text you the address.

When it goes to voicemail. Never leave the news in a voicemail; the doctors' guide says the same. Ask them to call back, honestly but without alarm.

Hi Aunt Imelda, it's Wendy. Could you call me back when you're somewhere you can talk, and not while you're driving? It's important, but it can wait until you're home. I'll have my phone with me all evening.

If they call back frightened, tell them straight away.

A Death Announcement Text Message or WhatsApp Message: Samples to Copy

A death announcement text names the person, uses the word "died", says when and what happens next, and asks for no reply. It is the simplest way to inform the wider circle and anyone you could not reach by phone, and the same words work in an email; the people closest to the person who died should get a call first.

Short death announcement wording, to send as it is or to begin a longer message:

• "I have sad news: [Name] died this morning. I'll call you later."
• "With great sadness, we share that our [mother / father], [Name], died peacefully on [day]. [She / He] was [age]."
• "[Name] died suddenly on [day]. We will send the funeral details soon. No need to reply."
• "It is with a heavy heart that I tell you my [husband / wife / partner], [Name], died last night."

To a close friend you could not reach.

Bola, I'm so sorry to tell you this in a message; I tried to call. My brother Tunde died last night in a car accident. We're all still at the hospital. You were the first person I wanted to tell. I'll call you tomorrow. You don't need to reply.

To the wider circle, for a father.

Hello, this is Daniel, Vincent Russo's son. I'm sorry to share sad news: Dad died at home on Tuesday. He was 78, and he had been ill for a while. We wanted you to hear it from the family first. We'll send the funeral details soon. There's no need to reply.

To the family group chat or WhatsApp group, once everyone in it who needed a call has had one.

Everyone, I'm so sorry to share this here. Grandpa died this morning at 9:40, at home, with Grandma beside him. If we couldn't reach you by phone, I'm sorry; call me or Dad any time. Please don't post anything online yet; we'd like to do that together, once all the family knows. We'll put the funeral plans here. Love, Aisha

To a group you are not close to: a club, a class, a parents' group.

Hi all, this is Martin, Astrid's husband. I'm sorry to tell you that Astrid died on Saturday. Thursday choir was the best part of her week, and she talked about you all. The funeral will be private, but we'll share details of a memorial later. No need to reply.

To reach many people without starting a group, use a WhatsApp broadcast list: each person gets a private message from you, and replies come back only to you. It reaches only people who have saved your number, so message the rest one by one. For ordinary texts, check that a message to several people goes out separately, not as a group chat where every reply reaches everyone.

When the replies flood in, post one line, then mute the chat for a day:

Thank you, all of you. We're stepping away from this chat for a day, and we'll post here when there is news.

How to Announce a Death on Facebook or Instagram: Three Example Posts

Announce a death on Facebook, Instagram or any other social media only once the people closest to the person who died have been told, and let the closest family post first. The UK's National Association of Funeral Directors is firm about it: nothing on social media until the immediate family has heard, by phone or in person.

A short post, for a mother.

Our mother, Hazel Ellison, died peacefully on Monday at the age of 84, with her family around her. She loved this town, her roses and everyone who stopped at her gate to talk. We will share the funeral details here soon. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts.

A post with a story, for a husband.

My husband, Sanjay, died on Sunday after a short illness. He was 61. Most of you knew him as the man who could not walk past a broken bicycle. Last spring he fixed eleven for the children on our street, because, he said, he liked hearing the bells go past. We'd be grateful for a few quiet days, but please leave your stories about him here. Anita

A post after a sudden death, for a brother.

We are very sad to tell you that our brother, Liam Doherty, died suddenly on Friday. He was 45. We are not ready to say more yet. The funeral details will follow here in a few days. Please don't message his children directly; they know, and they are being looked after. Thank you for your kindness. Siobhan, Aoife and Fergal

Comments on or off. Many families leave comments on, because they become a book of memories. If you would rather not, Instagram lets you turn off commenting on a post, and on a public Facebook post you can choose who can comment, down to only the people you tag. Or ask a friend to read the comments for you.

Tagging. Facebook notifies the people you tag, and the post could be visible to their friends too, so tagging your sister may tell her friends before she is ready to tell them herself. Ask first. Tagging the person who died can reach their friends, which may be exactly who you want to reach once the family knows.

Their own account. Post from your own account, not theirs. Family or friends can ask Facebook to memorialize the profile: "Remembering" appears next to the name, no one can log in, and what they shared stays. A legacy contact, if they chose one, can write a pinned post there with the memorial details. Our digital legacy planning guide covers their other accounts.

Telling Work, School and Clubs: Five Death Announcement Emails

Work, school, clubs and congregations need a short call or email within a day or two: who died, and what it means for them. You do not owe anyone the details of the death, though some employers ask for proof, such as the death notice, for bereavement leave. Leave rules differ by employer and by country, so ask HR what yours allows.

To your boss or manager.

Subject: Family bereavement, away this week

Hi Rachel, my father died last night, so I'd like to take bereavement leave for the rest of the week. I'll update you on Friday about next week and the funeral. Maya can cover the Henderson account. Could you let the team know? I'd rather not go into details.

Thanks, Nathan

From a manager, announcing an employee's death to the team. Ask the family what they want said, and tell the closest colleagues in person before you send it.

Subject: Sad news about Olumide

Dear all, I am very sorry to tell you that our colleague Olumide Bello died on Sunday. Many of you will remember how calmly he talked nervous clients through a launch. His family has asked for privacy; we will share the funeral details if they would like colleagues there. If you need to step away today, please do, and come and find me any time. A card for his family is on my desk.

Marisol

To the employer of the person who died.

Subject: Kenji Watanabe, accounts department

Dear Ms. Alvarez, I'm writing to let you know that my husband, Kenji Watanabe, died on Thursday. Could you let his team know, and tell me who I should speak to about his final pay and any benefits? I can be reached here or at [phone number].

Thank you, Yuki Watanabe

To a school.

Subject: A death in Lily's family

Dear Mr. Brooks, I wanted you to know that Lily's grandmother, who lived with us, died on Saturday. Lily knows, and she wants to come to school as usual, but she may be tired or tearful this week. She will be away on Thursday for the funeral. Please let me know if anything worries you.

Thank you, Erin Walsh

To a club.

Subject: Greta Lind, funeral on Friday

Hi Sandra, I'm Jonas, Greta Lind's son. I have sad news: Mom died on Wednesday. She rowed with the club for twenty years, and her club jacket still hangs by her front door. The funeral is at 2 p.m. on Friday at [place], and members are very welcome. Could you let everyone at the club know?

Thank you, Jonas Lind

For a church, mosque, synagogue or temple, call the office and ask whether they will tell members for you. Caregivers, regular appointments and a landlord need a call too; one helper can do these in an afternoon.

How to Write a Death Notice or Short Obituary: Template and Examples

To write a death notice, the formal death announcement in a newspaper or online, give the name, age and town, the date of death, the close family, the funeral details and where donations can go, in that order. The UK's National Association of Funeral Directors draws the line simply: a death notice is the short, factual announcement, an obituary the longer piece about the life. Newspapers usually charge by the line or the word, and a funeral director will often place the notice for you. The same text works for a printed card, where families still send one.

A family can open a notice, or any announcement, with a line the person loved, or with the words its faith uses on hearing of a death: for a Jewish family, "Baruch Dayan HaEmet", "Blessed is the true Judge"; for a Muslim family, "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un", "We belong to God, and to Him we return", from the Quran.

A death announcement template to fill in.

[Name], [age], of [town], died [peacefully at home / after a short illness / suddenly] on [day and date]. Beloved [husband / wife / partner] of [name], [father / mother] of [names], [grandfather / grandmother] of [names], and [brother / sister] of [names]. The funeral will be held at [place] on [day, date] at [time], followed by [burial at place / a reception at place]. [Flowers from close family only, please. / Flowers are welcome.] Donations in [his / her] memory may be made to [charity]. Inquiries to [funeral director], [phone number].

A plain death notice for a father.

BRANDT, Werner, 81, of Riverside, died peacefully on March 3. Beloved husband of Irene for 56 years, father of Karen and Michael, grandfather of Tyler, Jade and Ava, and brother of the late Helga. The funeral will be held at St. Paul's Church on Saturday, March 7, at 11 a.m., followed by burial at Riverside Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the hospice that cared for him. Inquiries to the funeral home, [phone number].

A short obituary for a mother.

Celia Ward, 79, a nurse for 38 years and the best pie maker in the parish, died at home on October 12 after ten years with Parkinson's. She came to Boston at 19 with one suitcase, and met Eamon, her husband of 52 years, on her first night shift. She is survived by Eamon, their children Gerard, Orla, Declan and Fiona, and nine grandchildren, who called her Gran and meant it. A funeral Mass will be held at St. Brigid's Church on Friday, October 16, at 10 a.m. Instead of flowers, the family asks you to bake something for someone who needs it.

What to leave out, for safety. AARP warns that obituaries feed identity theft, so leave out the date and place of birth, the middle name, maiden names including the mother's maiden name, and the home address. The age is enough. It also warns that a notice giving the funeral time tells burglars when the house may be empty. Ask a neighbor or friend to stay at the house during the service. Our guide to funeral scams and fake obituaries covers the rest.

Do You Have to Say How They Died, or Give the Cause of Death?

No. You never have to say how someone died or give the cause of death, in a call, a post or a notice, and many families never do. These phrases say enough:

• "after a short illness" or "after a long illness"
• "suddenly" or "unexpectedly"
• "peacefully at home" or "peacefully, with her family beside her"
• "after a long and full life"
• "after living with dementia for many years"
• "peacefully, at a time of his own choosing", after an assisted death

A death by suicide. Families choose differently, and both choices are right: some say it from the start, so there is nothing to keep secret; others say "suddenly" and leave it there. Help is at Hand, a guide for people bereaved by suicide from Northern Ireland's Public Health Agency, says you are entitled to tell people when you are ready, to say what you want about how the person died, and not to answer questions you do not feel able to.

If you say it, write "died by suicide", not "committed suicide", which sounds like a crime, and leave out the method, the place and any guess at the reason. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's media guidelines say that mentioning the method raises the risk of further suicides, and advise against naming a single cause. Add a line pointing to help; some of the people reading will be struggling too.

Our son, Rory, died by suicide on Saturday. He was 24. He was the first on the dance floor and the last to leave a friend in trouble, and we will miss him every day. We are not sharing more about his death, and we ask you not to guess. Please share your memories of Rory instead. If this news has hit you hard, please talk to someone today; free, confidential helplines are listed at findahelpline.com.

Mark and Denise

An overdose. Some families name it, to push back against the stigma and to warn others, as families told the Associated Press; many do not. The National Institute on Drug Abuse suggests person-first words, such as "a person with a substance use disorder", in place of "addict".

Our sister, Leah, died on May 9 of an accidental overdose, after living with addiction for many years. She was 31, a gifted cook and the aunt every child wanted at their party. We are telling you how she died because we are not ashamed of her, and because someone reading this may need to know they are not alone. If that is you, free, confidential helplines are listed at findahelpline.com. Instead of flowers, please consider a gift to a local recovery program.

When someone asks what happened, one kind sentence closes the subject:

• "It was very sudden, and we're not ready to talk about the details."
• "It was cancer, in the end. Thank you for asking about her."
• "He died by suicide. We're not saying more, but please keep saying his name."
• "We're keeping that in the family, but thank you for asking how we are."

Sending the Funeral Details: A Funeral Announcement Template

Send the funeral details in a second message, once the plans are fixed. On the day of the news people take in little else, and a separate message is the one they can find again on the morning of the funeral. In Jewish, Muslim and many Hindu families the funeral is traditionally held as soon as possible, often within a day, so the second message may follow within hours.

Dear friends and family, here are the details for [Name]'s funeral.

The service: [day, date] at [time], at [place, full address]. Please arrive by [time].

The [burial / cremation]: [family only / at place, straight after the service].

The livestream: [link]. It is free, and this is the only link, so please ignore any others.

Afterward: everyone is welcome at [place] from [time]. [Please let us know by date if you are coming.]

Flowers: [close family only / welcome, sent to the funeral home]. Donations in [his / her] memory may go to [charity, link].

Questions: please call [helper's name] at [phone number] rather than [name], so [he / she] can rest.

With love and thanks, [Names]

Scammers send mourners links to fake funeral streams that ask for payment, and South Australia's consumer protection office is plain that you should never have to pay to watch a funeral.

If the funeral is private.

Dear friends, thank you for your kindness since we shared the news about Dad. His funeral will be private, for family only, as he wished. In the spring we will hold a memorial for everyone who knew him, and we will send the details then. Please don't send flowers; a donation to [charity] would have pleased him. Thank you for understanding. Takeshi, Emi and Daisuke

Before you send either message, check:

• The day of the week matches the date
• The venue's full address, and where to park
• Whether the burial or cremation is open to everyone
• That the livestream link works
• Flowers or donations, with a working link
• One contact for questions who is not the closest mourner

People Abroad, Old Friends and the Ones You Cannot Find

Call people abroad at a decent hour in their own time zone, and find old friends by asking one person from each part of their life to pass the news on. If someone abroad might see a post before you can reach them, send a short message first, "Please call me as soon as you wake up", and if they have not called by their breakfast time, call them.

Look where names are kept: an address book, the holiday card list, old email, the contacts on their phone. If the phone is locked, unlocking a phone after someone dies explains what can be done, and what happens to messages when someone dies covers their chats and the family group.

Asking one person to pass it on.

Hi Colin, this is Anita, Sanjay's wife. I'm so sorry to bring you sad news: Sanjay died on Sunday, after a short illness. He still talked about you and the rest of his engineering crowd, and I don't have their numbers. Would you pass this on to anyone you're still in touch with? I'll send you the funeral details soon. Thank you.

To someone the family has not spoken to in years.

Dear Helen, you may not remember me. I'm Nadia, Lorraine Kapoor's daughter; you and Mom taught together at Westfield in the 1980s. I'm writing with sad news: Mom died on Monday. She kept your Christmas cards every year, and I found your address in her book. If you would like the funeral details, or just to talk about her, I would love to hear from you. Warmly, Nadia

When the Replies Start Coming

You do not have to answer anyone now. For the first days, a short reply that names one helper is enough, and that helper can keep track of who called, wrote, brought food or sent flowers, so that you can thank people later.

Thank you for writing. Until after the funeral, my cousin Imran is taking calls for us at [phone number].

When you are ready, our guide to how to respond to condolences has the replies and the thank-you notes; what friends write to a grieving family is in condolence messages.

Leaving Your Own List

The most useful thing you can leave for the day your family makes these calls is a list: who should hear first, who will call whom, and the friends from each part of your life whom nobody else would think to call, with their numbers. Keep it with your other papers; the when I die file checklist covers what else belongs there.

You can also leave a few words for the people closest to you. Goodbye App lets you write letters now, each with one recording of your voice if you like, choose who receives them, and set the day and the hour each one is delivered by email, up to 30 years ahead. The people you choose see nothing until a letter is delivered, and the app is free. If you switch on the optional inactivity release, letters can go out earlier once your account has been quiet for a period you set, between 3 and 45 days. The app does not announce a death and does not know when someone has died: your family will still make the calls, and your list is what will help them.

Common Questions

How soon should you announce a death? Tell the closest people within hours, by phone or in person, and the wider family and friends within a day. A public post or a death notice can wait until they all know.

Is it OK to announce a death by text? Yes, for the wider circle and anyone you cannot reach by phone. Call the closest people first if you possibly can; if a text is the only way, say that you tried to call.

Who should announce a death on Facebook? The closest family, or someone they choose. Friends should wait for the family's post, and share it only if the family asks.

What do you say in a death announcement? Who died, using the word "died", when, and what happens next: "Our father, Werner Brandt, died peacefully on March 3 at the age of 81. The funeral details will follow." Add one line about them if you can.

What is the difference between a death announcement, a death notice and an obituary? A death announcement is any message that tells people someone has died, from a text to a post; a death notice is the short, factual one published in a newspaper or online, usually with the funeral details; an obituary is a longer piece about the life.

Do you have to put an obituary in the newspaper? No. It is a tradition, not a duty, and many families publish only online, often on the funeral director's website. A legal notice to creditors, which whoever settles the estate may need to publish in some places, is a separate matter; a probate lawyer, or the court's own guidance, will tell you if it applies.

How do you tell your boss a family member died? Call or email your manager as soon as you know you will be away: who died, that you need time off, and who can cover your work. HR can tell you what leave you have.

How do you announce a death on WhatsApp? Call the closest people first, then send each person a short message, or use a broadcast list, which reaches only people who have saved your number and brings replies back only to you. Post in a family group only once everyone in it has had a call.

How do you announce a death when the funeral is private? Say so as early as you can: the funeral will be private, for family only, and any memorial will be shared later. Ask friends not to post, and say whether flowers are welcome.

If you are reading this because you are thinking about ending your life, please talk to someone today. findahelpline.com lists free, confidential helplines in your country, and there is more on our suicide and self-harm page.